I remember as a little girl praying that my father would leave. So when he did, I blamed myself. I began drinking at a young age and began smoking marijuana at the age of 16. I also began having unhealthy relationships with men. I was extremely depressed and had several failed suicide attempts.
In my thirties, my addictions took extreme hold on me; I had even begun smoking crack and stealing 
from my mother to support my habits. In December 2008, I was evicted from my apartment. Crisis intervention set me up in a homeless shelter. While I was there, on January 23, 2009, my mother died. I felt as if I had no purpose in life.
From the homeless shelter I came to the Lydia Center. The hardest part was to be vulnerable and allow people to see the real me. But as the real me, good and bad, started coming out, I was accepted. Not because of what I could give them or do for them but because of who I am. For this I am forever grateful.
Prior to coming to the Lydia Center, I believed there was a God; however I thought He was a punishing God. I never knew He was loving and desired a relationship with me. I now seek Him every day and desire to know Him more. I believe there is a life that is not full of drugs and alcohol. A life that is full of contentment and enjoyment no matter the circumstances.
Earlier this year, at the prompting of the Holy Spirit, I reached out to my father to try and restore our relationship. When I finally got a reply from him, I was as excited as a small child on Christmas morning. However I received news two days later that he passed away from bone cancer. I soon became very thankful that God answered my prayer for my dad and me to reconnect. And this opened doors for me to reconnect with family members that I haven’t been in contact with for over 20 years.
I have learned that God has placed people in my life to help me see the things in myself that I may not be aware of. I’ve realized that even though people have hurt me in the past, it doesn’t mean that I should avoid friendships because of fear and pain.
I can remember telling my mom even as a small child that I didn’t not want to have my own children. If I wanted children, I would adopt. As I am about to begin on the next chapter of my life, I feel that God is leading me to work with orphaned and unwanted children. I have big dreams of someday starting a children’s ministry, but will be content doing whatever God has planned for me.